Untitled Reflections | Taryn Walker

Response to Dissolving in Clear Skies by Nicholas Hertz

Viewing Nicholas Hertz’s work Dissolving in Clear Skies brought me back to memories from a very particular time and place during my journey as a queer person. Back to a time when the only place my queer self lived was as a tiny spark of “maybe this is me?” on the Internet. 

When I was 16 I remember being so deeply in the closet that I could barely see the light from under the door. I was living in the small town of my childhood. My knowledge of queerness was limited and my access to real-life, in-person queer spaces was nonexistent. As a result, my first experience of encountering queerness was on the Internet. This (the early 2010s) in my eyes, was a golden age of the Internet. YouTube videos had very little post-production or push ads and Tumblr was still an unhinged free-for-all. For hours, lit by the blue light of my screen I would sit in my bedroom watching coming out video, after coming out video. Learning the difference between bisexual and pansexual and lesbian, etc. identities. Seeing queer relationships unfold on social media. Listening to people talk about their experiences as trans and nonbinary people… And then I would close my phone, go to school, and set aside any notions of queerness to pass as my straightest, most feminine self. 

Through soft colors and poetic text, Nicholas’s work tenderly invites us into the queer digital space. A space in which my body and the bodies of many other queer humans existed for the very first time. A place where many baby gays are born, safe from prying eyes and judgments of societal norms. While Nicholas’s works are incredibly intimate and personal - at times directly referencing their own body, I can almost see myself gazing back at my own reflection in the computer screen. Surfing the web and gradually finding myself one hyperlink at a time. 

Pop culture constructs an objectified and hyper commodified version of what it means to be queer. In antithesis to this, Nicholas Hertz’s work Dissolving Under Clear Skies reminds us how digital spaces deconstruct and reimagine these narratives, and how the Internet creates a new landscape where we can define our bodies and the spaces they occupy however we want. In this way, the Internet presents a sandbox for identities - a multitude of stories and experiences. How your queerness looks is limitless, your identity can be ever-changing, and as the main character in your story, your chapters are yours to write. Connected by landscapes of pixels across the world your community is here to catch you when you are ready. 

As Nicholas deconstructs and reconstructs their narratives in digital space, instead of a sense of chaos the viewer is presented with a sense of harmony. With implications of mouse movements and selections, as if caught in the middle of a Photoshop edit, a web search, a file save we become part of the action of putting components together. A sensation of a puzzle piece fitting into the right spot. 

Because at the end of the day, aren’t our identities constantly in motion? I hope that they are. I hope that we are learning, growing, and becoming better. I hope that each day we are one step closer to our truest selves.

And if you aren’t sure, may the Internet be a safe space for you. Beautiful, and messy, and creative, and sacred. Like in Dissolving in Clear Skies, may you arrange the pieces of yourself in as many ways as you like, and put them back together until they just feel right.